When the going gets tough, trust your actors.

It's been a couple of weeks since "The Second Meeting" was shot. As far as production goes, things couldn't have been more messy. The night before the shoot, my director of photography had to cancel. The day of, I couldn't get access to the room I reserved to shoot in. The room I used to replace it was taken from us. In our third room, with lower quality equipment than expected, and a new DP, things felt disastrous.

However, this wasn't the case. Since completing an edit of this short following Thanksgiving, I haven't really watched this short. I've been disappointed in myself. That's a difficult thing to say, too, because I feel that the acting in this short is the strongest of anything I've done. I want to work with these people on a consistent basis. They're all amazing, and I'm deeply proud of them. I'm glad to have been able to have worked with them.

Watching "The Second Meeting" moments before writing this, I don't feel so critical. The acting shines. It covers the errors made. The acting is so deeply enthralling that I don't find myself being upset at slightly out out of focus shots. In the end, I can finally say that I'm proud of this short.

I think a lot of people feel that way about the work they make, especially collaborative efforts. If you convince yourself that you're the weak leak, that's a hard thought process to overcome. This short was a long time coming. "The Second Meeting" is another meditation on presenting anxiety through film, something I've been experimenting with since my short 275. It feels like it is a closing of that chapter.

But, let me get back on track. We started on time, but with different equipment from what was planned. The battery started dying on us rather quickly. We had a dolly (thankfully!), and my DP, a close friend, really took the lead, filling in on such short notice. That was a lot of pressure. And, of course, in our hurry to complete this under said pressure, there were mistakes made.

Showing this to a few people, I get mixed comments. Some people feel the out of focus shorts feel organic, and make sense considering the material. There was a discussion of whether or not the wide shots should have the sound that they do.

Compromises were made. This is part of a larger project that will be collected with other shorts into a long form film. The version being submitted to that project has slightly different audio. I believe that's the only adjustment. I felt that the audio in the Wide shots (the static-like sound) gives the audience less comfort in viewing the piece. It adds to the feeling that perhaps this is not something that should be seen. Me and my DP (who also edited this piece with me) disagreed on whether or not it was for the best of the film.

I experimented with how to handle the ensemble cast prior to the shoot. Considering it was about a group of people who do not know each other (and themselves), I decided not to do a table read, but meet with each actor individually. The discussions focused on body language, as I had given all the actors detailed backgrounds as to why each person had chosen to go into therapy. I was surprised to see how all the actors seemed to come to a similar conclusion on how this scene should feel (admittedly, rather different from my mental picture of it). I cannot say enough how fortunate I feel to have worked with them all.

So here's to the feeling of failure. All those negative Nancy's out there, like myself, take note. Give yourself some breathing space. Step back from your work. Realize it doesn't make you who you are. There are room for second chances, second thoughts. I think you'll be surprised with what you find. In my case, I find joy.

I hope you enjoy the new flick!

-Matt

Film as mood management

I typically feel at my best when I am working on a film. It simply makes me feel better. Perhaps its the ultimate way for me to deal with how life my be affecting me, positively or negatively (usually negatively). It's my medium of therapy, something everyone needs from time to time.

I see this most in my shorts "275" and "364." They were both direct responses to things that I was feeling. I personally believed that the best way to deal with these feelings and share them with others was to make a film.

In this sense, "364" is very closely related to "275." You can see this immediately in the name, and certainly in the short. Like "275," this new short takes place entirely in a dorm room. They are drastically different, however, and this is due to what I was feeling. It shaped the film entirely. In that sense, these are probably my two most personal films to date.

With this in mind, you'd think that I'd be offended that, for the first time, someone (anonymously) dislikes this short. Despite this film being incredibly personal, I feel as if that's expected. This doesn't have the energy of "275," and it's much more open. It's perhaps a little surprising. Surprise can often mean disappointment.

And that's okay, because perhaps this will touch people that feel the way that I felt while making this film. That's what being a creator is all about. Connecting with those that share what you've experience. Hopefully, it helps others understand.

The Positives of Being Rushed: My New Short

Now, in a perfect world, you have time for everything. In a world where you have a budget, where you have a film crew-you have a schedule. But, being the college aged kid that I am, you often have to wing it.

My most recent project was for my Directing class. I was hoping to have a crew of, at the least, an additional person from the class to help me out. A three person crew would have been beautiful. But, connections were not established in time.

The project's guidelines were as follows: One monologue, three varied performances of the monologue by the same actor. Each variation must be one shot.

Immediately I had an idea to write. I knew who I wanted to work with (a wonderful woman who I knew personally and also saw perform in a rendition of the Vagina Monologues). I knew that I'd need extras for some scenes.

Well, when filming eventually happened, the extras were out of town. We basically have to do all that we can in one day (the first two scenes). In the end, not having extras worked. Planning a scene by the river, I wanted to pan from two joggers running to our main character, alone by the river. I thought it would show how alone she was. But, what I discovered, was having no one there best showed what I thought having extras would.

Another instance of issue was scene 3. I wanted to do a retrozoom on a couple doing something (Okay, not that planned out...), but...logistically, it just wasn't working. In other words, My movement would be in a chair, and the person helping me (my girlfriend) couldn't move my fat ass. Understandable!

In the end, a slowed down zoom actually works really well. I knew when writing it, however it would turn out, that I needed Merzbow music over it. It's beautiful.

I had many apprehensions about my performance. The actor, Maggie, was phenomenal and a treat to work with, but I just felt that I personally had let the film down. Then comes the day of presenting the final product to my class.

Professor loved it. Just goes to show you that sometimes preparation is for the birds. Or...whomever has to work on the fly. Oh, pun town!